Happy New Year! Welcome back to the blog, lovely people. Hope you had a splendid holiday season. Mine was packed with family, friends, endless gift wrapping and late night carb feasts. Bliss.
So now I’m back home in London and hitting my workouts with a renewed sense of resolve – ie having done f*all for weeks, my abs are crying for sit ups (really, I know!)
I’ve been going to group classes for years now and I’ve come to realise that, just as in life outside the gym, there are certain personality types that I just need to stay away from. They come with different toxicity levels, ranging from the slightly irritating to the so-disturbing-I-can’t-bear-having-you-on-my-line-of-sight characters. You’ve probably come across some of them and know exactly what I’m talking about.
I have decided as the first story for 2019 to just cleanse the system by letting it all go. Or at least that’s the plan…
Warning: this is judgmental. I’m a perfectly flawed human and that’s that. Take it with a pinch of salt/ sugar and have fun.
These are the 7 different personality types I’ve come across in my extensive years of thorough, unscientific research:
1.The very, very loud
I had to start with this one. By far the worst culprit in the history of how to ruin group classes for everyone else but yourself. I don’t care if this lunge is really, really hard for you. Or how good it feels to stretch out that hamstring. Please shut up. It does not make you interesting.
Sadly, since I’ve realised some of the offspring actually read this blog I must edit my choice of words #noswearing.
2. The (really) late arrivals
Landing the mat with a bang-bang-boom on the yoga studio floor when I just got into the zone. You know I’ve got a life too? And still managed to get to the studio on time?
3. The pig tails fans
Should only be legally allowed up to the age of 6. No, it doesn’t make you look cute. I just want to give you a good shake but I can’t.
4. The duck lipped humans
Always disturbing. Easy to dodge when you’re browsing Zara @ Duke of York Square. Not so much when the studio is covered in mirrors and you’re confined to that small area for a full 60 minutes. The trick is to locate the creature when walking into the studio and securing a spot at the opposite end of the room.
5. The teacher’s pet
We all know one. Before class. After class. But the worst – during class. The silly giggling and relentless flirting. I know he’s cute but I actually did pay for him to do his job and fix my posture, you can let go now, thank you.
6. The self-obsessed
Coming from someone who won’t go a week without a #ReformerSelfie or two this may come as a bit of a stretch. Still, I try to perform the selfie act with a good sense of humour with varying success levels) and minimising the disruption to passers-by. Unlike the girl taking over the changing room, pouting in front of the mirror for 10 minutes (I mean seriously, who casually wears wool gloves to Pilates class and looks like the dog has just died?)
7. The moaners
Oh too light, could I have a heavier set of dumbbells? Oh too heavy, could I get those back please? Excuse me, there was a yellow band here. Why is there no water left? How come Suzie is not teaching today? I think they’re moving all the best instructors to the City studio, I’m calling the manager. Why can’t they just get proper mats? Who are all these paying customers I’m forced to share this group class with?
Ok. I promise this is going to be me logging out soon. And noisy lady, beware: I’ll be the one flashing out the six pack ready to crush. As soon as I’ve wiped out the effects of 3 weeks of High-Intensity-Pastry.
What’s your gym pet hate? I’d love to hear about it, please share on the comments box below!
Happy New workouts everyone!